"ReeL".. rOll baCk

hmmm...
yeah am back... not excited though
ok so its my 2/2 holidays... whatz that?? ... it means i finished two years of b.tech..
i still cant beleive am a 3rd year student already and just 2 more years to go and ill be a graduate......???...i thought am still a kid :P..
hehe ... anyways these two years passed away so quick..
its like .. just yesterday i stepped into the college with so much enthusiasm and determination to "acheive something" ...though had no clear idea what it is.. but i just wanted to reach a stage .. a stage where no one elz(atleast ppl from my background and environment) could ever reach..
a stage where am respected as an individual.. where i could earn as much that if i have to think of buying something i would never look back and think of money first...a stage where my eyes showed am proud of myself..many more actually..
infact these were long term goals..
short term goals anyhow were made and changed at every stage in these 2 years..
i could find a change in me and way of looking at life in first year first sem itself...i was so much into studies and nothing else...i worked hard... but realized later that "i was struggling to study and not enjoying it"..i forced myself even though i was not intrested..:(
i was infact never intrested to study since childhood.. but the difference now is that i atleast showed effort to study...
i remember i used to sit at some lonely places(for concentration) and some times cry.. cry for not being able to study ... call up deepthii after every exam and cry so much..it was so depressing when i couldnt finish even a lil part of the portion even after a day long struggle.. i kept myself away from all other entertainment..
my aim was to score above 80%(which i thought is a very goodscore)..and yes did score 83% but i realised later that 80+ is just nothing and 90+ was something "good"

2nd sem i could make some friends and did njoi a lil...or may be i was deviating from my goal...
i dint study as much i used to ...i wanted to change .. coz i heard people say "am some girl always found crying" "found like some ghost at unusual places"hehe funny rite??

i scored just 81 in 2nd sem and went down to 79 in my 2nd year,1st sem...now its not "may be"... i WAS deviating from my goal..it was just friends..there were many other issues(let it be..no intention of writing all that now)
but sometimes i find this change good for me... i mean ..now i like the way i study.. atleast i njoi it sometimes and not "struggle" ..
i dont study daily..may be no one does.. i study just before exams...i wonder how do i concentrate so well b4 exams... i just can study all my own without the pressure of exams... hehe
i just take those subjects serious wich i think r important for my career
now i finished my 2/2 exams also..and yeah i did well.. i did better ..

I HAVE CHANGED a LOT and will continue changing... i like this change ..the hostel,the college,ppl around changed me..
i dont hangaround with my friends.. .but i am friendly.. i have learnt how to deal with ppl...i have started being independant in my sense..
may be there are many things am still dumb at but i know "i can" do it.. i like it


am expecting my results soon...and i wish i get 9 point this time.. this sem i was just experimenting ..i gave importance to impression and "maska to lecturers" rather than hardwork..coz that is what works out in "MY COLLEGE"...lets c...

hmm....now i better give an end to this post... planned to write something and ended up with this discussion... may be i was just flowing away with my thoughts...
sooo...actuall current stuff in next post..got bored thinking of thses 2 years...